where is winter?! oh... here it is!

i'm taking it back to last Winter... back when it was actually cold... and snowy & I had just moved to Raleigh... :) I found this post in my old blog... & it still makes my heart smile. I have to repost!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010
friends & the snow.
things have been quite interesting since i made my move 2 hours across the state to live in cary, nc with my boyfriend.

he is amazing. i love him more than i could ever love any other human being. he is good to me... and i don't deserve him. he is my heart. my whole heart. i still question this from time to time... and i wonder why. sometimes it bothers me. -but... i think what i'm really questioning... is why i'm so lucky. i am a lucky girl to have found someone that loves me unconditionally. for whatever reason i decided a long time ago... that i didn't deserve this. i'm not sure why... but it is set in my mind... so i purposely try to sabotage this love- because i feel like i don't deserve it.

i am a lucky girl because he knows me inside and out- and he would never leave me. he would never let me push him away. he knows my thoughts- my thought processes.. and understands my feelings even when i think he has no clue. he is my other half. he makes me whole.

i am not codependent.. in fact- i pride myself on being independent. -but i know that i would be missing something essential if he were not in my life. God put him in my life because i need him. i love him... and every minute with him is exponentially greater than any moment without him.

i love moments with others as well..i love laughing with campbell and cuddling with my kitties- i love blogging alone in my room ...and playing in the snow with my PI buddies. -but nothing... nothing at all beats spending any time with him. when i thought for a split second that i might have lost him in that car accident... it hurt me more than any physical pain i have ever experienced. i've never hurt so bad in my entire life.

i didn't intend for this blog post to be about my love for my boyfriend... and maybe its not. maybe this post is about love in general. -because i have never felt this way before... and it is new to me and it is wonderful. i ...am lucky. i am loved. for whatever reason someone out there in the universe felt that i deserved this... and it is here and i have it and it is... everything.